Join Ali as she chats with Stuart Conkie, counsellor, teacher, former children’s pastor and author as they chat about sex and neurodiversity. As we continue on our curious journey we’re asking, if my partner or I are neurodiverse how might this impact sex for us?  

NOTES: EPISODE 31
Stu’s counselling website - https://hopecounselling.online/
Stu’s parenting book - A Parent's Guide to Emotion Coaching: Helping children understand, express and regulate emotions Stuart Conkie (2024)
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321860#how-does-adhd-impact-sexuality-

Join Ali as she interviews Christa Hardin, author, podcaster, voice on instagram, coach and enneagram expert as they talk about sex and personality. How does who I am, my personality, impact how I think about, approach and engage in sex?   

NOTES: EPISODE 30
www.enneagramandmarriage.com 
The Enneagram in Marriage Christa Hardin (2023) 
Christa’s Instagram - @enneagramandmarriage 
Christa’s deep dive into Myers Briggs https://www.canva.com/design/DAGXB_As2PU/12SZ-Zk2GQF8kc5oJw1jQA/view?utm_content=DAGXB_As2PU&utm_campaign=designshare&utm_medium=link2&utm_source=uniquelinks&utlId=hcde8e5e571 
The Hidden Chapter of Christa’s book – all about sex! https://static1.squarespace.com/static/61d9bf217691c418017405b3/t/667980af02608954b588fa97/1719238832511/The+Hidden+Chapter+of+The+Enneagram+in+Marriage+Extended+Version.pdf 
Sensate Focus Article https://health.cornell.edu/sites/health/files/pdf-library/sensate-focus.pdf 
https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/ 
https://www.anngadd.co.za/2019/06/how-your-enneagram-type-influences-your-sex-life-2/ 
https://suzannestabile.com/ 

We are joined by authors Noni and Dave Yates who generously share their story, Beyond Betrayal - 28 years of lies, deceit and infidelity. Noni is a trauma informed counsellor who is also trained in helping couples through a process of full disclosure after sexual betrayal. In this final episode we discuss collateral damage, why they wrote their book and the path forwards for them as well as some final thoughts from Noni. 

NOTES: EPISODE 29
https://beyondbetrayalrecoverybook.com/
Our Disclosure Experience   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUz48NaLL1zM2UsBlXk1ZvQ
Recovery Resources For Everyone   https://beyondbetrayalrecoverybook.com/2022/10/19/recovery-resources-for-everyone/
affairrecoverycounselling@gmail.com
How To Tell Her About The Porn: Full Disclosure (with Dan Drake and Dr Janice Caudill)
Full Disclosure: How to Share the Truth After Sexual Betrayal Dan Drake & Dr Janice Caudill (2019)
Full Disclose: Seeking Truth After Sexual Betrayal Volumes 1,2 & 3 Dan Drake & Janice Caudill (2020, 2021 & 2022)
http://www.move-beyond-the-affair.com/ (infidelity specific counselling)
https://beyondaffairsnetwork.com/ support group
Dr Omar Minwalla - https://minwallamodel.com/
Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction Eddie Capparucci (2020)
Lights On Podcast Carl & Laura Lentz
Is Betrayal Trauma Real? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fb6LPNd4OpI
The Body Keeps The Score Bessel Van Der Kolk (2015)

We are joined by authors Noni and Dave Yates who generously share their story, Beyond Betrayal - 28 years of lies, deceit and infidelity. Noni is a trauma informed counsellor who is also trained in helping couples through a process of full disclosure after sexual betrayal. In this episode we hear about how to have healthy disclosures that lead to healing and freedom and discuss what to do if someone’s partner isn’t willing to do their work. 

NOTES: EPISODE 28
https://beyondbetrayalrecoverybook.com/
Our Disclosure Experience   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUz48NaLL1zM2UsBlXk1ZvQ
Recovery Resources For Everyone   https://beyondbetrayalrecoverybook.com/2022/10/19/recovery-resources-for-everyone/
affairrecoverycounselling@gmail.com
How To Tell Her About The Porn: Full Disclosure (with Dan Drake and Dr Janice Caudill)
Full Disclosure: How to Share the Truth After Sexual Betrayal Dan Drake & Dr Janice Caudill (2019)
Full Disclose: Seeking Truth After Sexual Betrayal Volumes 1,2 & 3 Dan Drake & Janice Caudill (2020, 2021 & 2022)
http://www.move-beyond-the-affair.com/ (infidelity specific counselling)
https://beyondaffairsnetwork.com/ support group
Dr Omar Minwalla - https://minwallamodel.com/
Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction Eddie Capparucci (2020)
Lights On Podcast Carl & Laura Lentz
Is Betrayal Trauma Real? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fb6LPNd4OpI
The Body Keeps The Score Bessel Van Der Kolk (2015)

We are joined by authors Noni and Dave Yates who generously share their story, Beyond Betrayal - 28 years of lies, deceit and infidelity. Noni is a trauma informed counsellor who is also trained in helping couples through a process of full disclosure after sexual betrayal. In this episode we think about disclosures and discoveries, and we hear Noni and Dave share their story of staggered discoveries. 

NOTES: EPISODE 27
https://beyondbetrayalrecoverybook.com/
Our Disclosure Experience   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUz48NaLL1zM2UsBlXk1ZvQ
Recovery Resources For Everyone   https://beyondbetrayalrecoverybook.com/2022/10/19/recovery-resources-for-everyone/
affairrecoverycounselling@gmail.com
How To Tell Her About The Porn: Full Disclosure (with Dan Drake and Dr Janice Caudill)
Full Disclosure: How to Share the Truth After Sexual Betrayal Dan Drake & Dr Janice Caudill (2019)
Full Disclose: Seeking Truth After Sexual Betrayal Volumes 1,2 & 3 Dan Drake & Janice Caudill (2020, 2021 & 2022)
http://www.move-beyond-the-affair.com/ (infidelity specific counselling)
https://beyondaffairsnetwork.com/ support group
Dr Omar Minwalla - https://minwallamodel.com/
Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction Eddie Capparucci (2020)
Lights On Podcast Carl & Laura Lentz
Is Betrayal Trauma Real? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fb6LPNd4OpI
The Body Keeps The Score Bessel Van Der Kolk (2015)

We are joined by authors Noni and Dave Yates who generously share their story, Beyond Betrayal - 28 years of lies, deceit and infidelity. Noni is a trauma informed counsellor who is also trained in helping couples through a process of full disclosure after sexual betrayal. In this episode we hear of unhelpful advice given to them in their early years of marriage after the discovery of the first affair. Dave explains what was going on deep inside of him that lead to infidelity. Noni challenges the blame that is often placed on, or felt by, the betrayed partner. 

NOTES: EPISODE 26
https://beyondbetrayalrecoverybook.com/
Our Disclosure Experience   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUz48NaLL1zM2UsBlXk1ZvQ
Recovery Resources For Everyone   https://beyondbetrayalrecoverybook.com/2022/10/19/recovery-resources-for-everyone/
affairrecoverycounselling@gmail.com
How To Tell Her About The Porn: Full Disclosure (with Dan Drake and Dr Janice Caudill)
Full Disclosure: How to Share the Truth After Sexual Betrayal Dan Drake & Dr Janice Caudill (2019)
Full Disclose: Seeking Truth After Sexual Betrayal Volumes 1,2 & 3 Dan Drake & Janice Caudill (2020, 2021 & 2022)
http://www.move-beyond-the-affair.com/ (infidelity specific counselling)
https://beyondaffairsnetwork.com/ support group
Dr Omar Minwalla - https://minwallamodel.com/
Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction Eddie Capparucci (2020)
Lights On Podcast Carl & Laura Lentz
Is Betrayal Trauma Real? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fb6LPNd4OpI
The Body Keeps The Score Bessel Van Der Kolk (2015)

Our guest is psychologist Dr Joy Skarka who shares her story of addiction to pornography. We hear also valuable insights from her studies focused on sexual shame in women and her work for Authentic Intimacy, an organisation that wrestles with all questions God and sex. 

NOTES: EPISODE 25
https://www.authenticintimacy.com/
Her Freedom Journey: A Guide Out of Porn and Shame to Authentic Intimacy Dr Juli Slattery & Dr Joy Skarka (2024) https://www.amazon.com/Her-Freedom-Journey-Authentic-Intimacy/dp/0802432700
Instagram: @Joy Skarka

Unwanted Jay Stringer (2018)

Our guest is a local pastor who has struggled with a pornography addiction. He generously shares both his story and the insights he has learnt along the way.

NOTES: EPISODE 24
Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence Dr. Anna Lembke (2021)
Unwanted Jay Stringer (2018)
https://sexuallypuremen.com/
https://www.banyantherapy.com/
Sam Tieleman’s podcast – Couples Healing from Pornography Addiction https://open.spotify.com/show/32uM9Y9DxEzyhAYLpPZzbQ

We hear more from podcast host and therapist Sam Tielemans about his work with couples where one partner is healing from pornography addiction. He speaks with a depth of understanding, practical advice, compassion and hope. 

NOTES: EPISODE 23
Sam’s podcast – Couples Healing from Pornography Addiction https://open.spotify.com/show/32uM9Y9DxEzyhAYLpPZzbQ
Sam’s course - https://www.coupleshealing.org/course-1
Sam’s website - http://healingcouples.org/
Sam’s Episode 68 ‘What does a neuroscientist report about pornography and the brain?’ - https://open.spotify.com/episode/1xxX8ni1hCarqMtKg41V3L
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrsBGreLC74 A Grace-Based Approach To Sexual Recovery with Jonathan Daugherty
How To Tell Her About The Porn: Full Disclosure (with Dan Drake and Dr Janice Caudill) -  https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/#inbox/FFNDWLHtTDQVwBwsBCTHMjNftLKMjpTq?projector=1
Unwanted Jay Stringer (2018)

We hear from podcast host and therapist Sam Tielemans about his work with couples where one partner is healing from pornography addiction. He speaks with a depth of understanding, practical advice, compassion and hope. 

NOTES: EPISODE 22
Sam’s podcast – Couples Healing from Pornography Addiction https://open.spotify.com/show/32uM9Y9DxEzyhAYLpPZzbQ 
Sam’s course - https://www.coupleshealing.org/course-1 
Sam’s website - http://healingcouples.org/ 
Sam’s Episode 68 ‘What does a neuroscientist report about pornography and the brain?’ - https://open.spotify.com/episode/1xxX8ni1hCarqMtKg41V3L 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrsBGreLC74 A Grace-Based Approach To Sexual Recovery with Jonathan Daugherty 
How To Tell Her About The Porn: Full Disclosure (with Dan Drake and Dr Janice Caudill) -  https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/#inbox/FFNDWLHtTDQVwBwsBCTHMjNftLKMjpTq?projector=1 
Unwanted Jay Stringer (2018)

We kick off this new series about unwanted sexual behaviours with Ali interviewing psychologist & counsellor Dr John Andersen. They dive deep into authentic intimacy, the harm of these unwanted behaviours and some of the themes that will be coming up during this series. 

NOTES: EPISODE 21
Unwanted Jay Stringer (2018)
https://jay-stringer.com/coaching-intensives/
https://podcast.husbandmaterial.com/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDFq2Gati-g&t=1779s Husband material – story work for men outgrowing porn with Drew Boa
Support Groups...
https://beyondaffairsnetwork.com/ (for the partner)
https://www.stevestokescounsellingandconsulting.com/
https://seekingintegrity.com/?utm_campaign=gmb&utm_medium=organic&utm_source=gmb
ali@ncr.org.au

We kick off this new series about unwanted sexual behaviours with Ali interviewing psychologist & counsellor Dr John Andersen. They dive deep into authentic intimacy, the harm of these unwanted behaviours and some of the themes that will be coming up during this series.

NOTES: EPISODE 20
Unwanted Jay Stringer (2018)
https://jay-stringer.com/coaching-intensives/
https://podcast.husbandmaterial.com/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDFq2Gati-g&t=1779s Husband material – story work for men outgrowing porn with Drew Boa
Support Groups...
https://beyondaffairsnetwork.com/ (for the partner)
https://www.stevestokescounsellingandconsulting.com/
https://seekingintegrity.com/?utm_campaign=gmb&utm_medium=organic&utm_source=gmb
ali@ncr.org.au

Join Ali as she interviews relationship counsellor Tita to discuss attachment styles and how they impact us in life and sex. Whether the attachment style we grew up with is healthy or unhealthy, there is hope that we can work together towards healthy attachment in our committed relationships. In part 2 we talk about how the different attachment styles impact us in regard to sex.

NOTES: EPISODE 19
Hold Me Tight Dr Sue Johnson (2011)
https://www.communicatingbeyondwords.com.au
This is Tita’s webpage, she is a couples counsellor, not specialising in sex but in all things relationship. She has limited availability.

Join Ali as she interviews relationship counsellor Tita to discuss attachment styles and how they impact us in life and sex. Whether the attachment style we grew up with is healthy or unhealthy, there is hope that we can work together towards healthy attachment in our committed relationships. In part 1 we unpack what attachment styles are and how they impact relationships. 

NOTES: EPISODE 18
Hold Me Tight Dr Sue Johnson (2011) 
https://www.communicatingbeyondwords.com.au This is Tita’s webpage, she is a couples counsellor, not specialising in sex but in all things relationship. She has limited availability. 
The Love Prescription John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman (2022)
https://www.simplypsychology.org/attachment.html Further information about attachment theory
https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/the-science-of-love-desire-and-attachment This is a very long, in depth unpacking of attachment by neuroscientist Dr Huberman

Join us as Ali switches seats and is interviewed by Yvonne about obligation sex. This is the final episode in our Purity Culture Mini-Series and we’re addressing obligation sex. The notion that it is the wife’s duty to have sex, to not deprive her husband, has been taught and believed far beyond purity culture. The woman can believe this message even if the husband doesn’t but regardless of how she’s learnt it, the obligation sex messages ruin sex and marriages too, so it’s worth listening in.

NOTES: EPISODE 17
The Great Sex Rescue Sheila Wray Gregoire (2021) 
https://baremarriage.com/2023/09/the-all-about-obligation-sex-podcast/ 
https://baremarriage.com/2020/09/10-questions-for-husbands-to-ask-if-your-wife-doesnt-want-sex/ 
https://baremarriage.com/2020/09/8-questions-to-ask-if-your-husband-doesnt-want-sex/ 
https://baremarriage.com/2023/10/how-can-the-higher-drive-spouse-avoid-giving-the-obligation-sex-message/ 
https://baremarriage.com/2023/09/are-obligation-sex-and-marital-rape-the-same-thing/ 
https://baremarriage.com/2022/11/the-sex-recovery-series-4-point-plan-to-rebuild-your-sex-life/ 
Ali's Contact Details:  ali@ncr.org.au

Join Ali and Laura as they talk about the Girls are Moral Caretakers Myth of Purity Culture which includes strict modesty messages. We hear statements from people in our church community, Laura shares from her own experience, Ali gives a response from the Bible and Laura shares what she found helpful in healing from the harm caused.

NOTES: EPISODE 16
See episode 12.
Come As You Are Emily Nagoski (2021/22)
https://wheredowegopod.com/
Modesty Bible Verses – 1 Timothy 2:9-10 & 1 Peter 3:3-4
https://www.cbeinternational.org/resource/5-things-bible-does-and-doesnt-say-about-modesty/

Join Ali and Nat as they talk about the purity culture myths around men and lust. We hear statements from people in our church community and listen to a short clip from a Bare Marriage podcast.  

NOTES: EPISODE 15
See episode 12.
https://baremarriage.com/2023/04/podcast-non-toxic-masculinity/
https://baremarriage.com/2023/05/podcast-why-every-young-mans-battle-makes-boys-lust-problems-worse/
Zachary Wagner Non-Toxic Masculinity (2023)
Ali’s email address: ali@ncr.org.au

Join Ali and Laura as they talk about the Happily Ever After Myth of Purity Culture. We hear statements from people from our church community and Laura shares from her own experience.

NOTES: EPISODE 14
See episode 12
Louise Perry The Case Against the Sexual Revolution (2022)

Join Ali and Nat as they continue to discuss purity culture and focus on two specific myths (things taught as truths but that aren’t actually Biblical truths). The first myth being that your spiritual status is determined by your sexual purity and the second myth being that if you have sex outside of marriage that you are damaged goods. We hear statements from people in our church community about the impact purity culture had on them and Nat shares from his own experience.

NOTES: EPISODE 13
See episode 12.
Ali’s email address: ali@ncr.org.au

Join Ali and Nat as they introduce our purity culture mini-series. They discuss what is purity culture, what was its impact here in Australia and give a basic outline of the history of the Christian sexual ethic to explain how purity culture arose. 

NOTES: EPISODE 12
https://baremarriage.com/2023/09/is-purity-culture-trauma/  
https://baremarriage.com/2023/05/what-is-purity-culture-10-things/ 
https://drcamden.com/2019/05/30/myths-purity-culture/  
https://baremarriage.com/2023/04/podcast-non-toxic-masculinity/ 
https://baremarriage.com/2023/05/podcast-why-every-young-mans-battle-makes-boys-lust-problems-worse/ 
https://openthebible.org/article/purity-is-about-more-than-sexuality/ 
https://open.spotify.com/show/32uM9Y9DxEzyhAYLpPZzbQ Couples healing from pornography addiction. Sam Tielemans 
Zachary Wagner Non-Toxic Masculity (2023)  
Andrew J Bauman How Not To Be An *ss (2021) 
Sheila Wray Gregoire She Deserves Better (2023) 

Join Ali as she chats with Sheila Wray Gregoire – award winning author, podcaster and blogger who is passionate about healthy, evidence-based, biblical advice for your marriage and sex life.   

NOTES: EPISODE 11
The Great Sex Rescue Sheila Wray Gregoire (2021) 
The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex Sheila Wray Gregoire (2022) 
The Good Guy’s Guide to Great Sex Sheila Wray Gregoire & Dr Keith Gregoire (2022) 
https://baremarriage.com/ Sheila Wray Gregoire’s webpage 
She Deserves Better Sheila Wray Gregoire (2023)

Join Ali as she chats with pelvic floor physiotherapist Alice all about pain and in particular sexual pain. This is part two where the discussion focuses on women's sexual pain.
This is the last episode for 2023. We'll resume again in early February 2024.

NOTES: EPISODE 10
Continence Foundation of Australia – Find a Pelvic Floor Physiotherapist
-Mark and Lisa Carter – vaginismus.com / Hope&Her self help guide and online resources
-Jean Hailes Foundation – Vaginismus
-Pelvic Pain association www.pelvicpain.org.au
-Patricia Weerakoon https://patriciaweerakoon.com Book: The Best Sex for Life
-Explain Pain (Noi Group) Lorimer Moseley and David Butler
- Seasons of Sex & Intimacy Emma Waring (2018)

Join Ali as she chats with pelvic floor physiotherapist Alice all about pain and in particular sexual pain. This is part one where the discussion focuses on anatomy, general pain and men’s sexual pain.

NOTES: EPISODE 9
Continence Foundation of Australia – Find a Pelvic Floor Physiotherapist
-Mark and Lisa Carter – vaginismus.com / Hope&Her self help guide and online resources
-Jean Hailes Foundation – Vaginismus
-Pelvic Pain association www.pelvicpain.org.au
-Patricia Weerakoon https://patriciaweerakoon.com   Book: The Best Sex for Life
-Explain Pain (Noi Group) Lorimer Moseley and David Butler
- Seasons of Sex & Intimacy Emma Waring (2018)

Join Bella as she chats with Ali about what we can do if our accelerator (our turn on) is stuck, making it hard for us to turn on. (We mention ‘sex positive’ in our conversation, by that we mean having a positive attitude to sex rather than the diversity of sexual expression.) 

NOTES: EPISODE 8
Come As You Are Emily Nagoski (2021/22)
Unwanted Jay Stringer (2018)  
https://jay-stringer.com/ 
https://www.ted.com/talks/emily_nagoski_the_keys_to_a_happier_healthier_sex_life?language=en
Sensate Touch Link
From The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Wray Gregoire p 136-138

Join Bella as she chats with Ali about accelerators (being turned on) and brakes (being turned off)   

NOTES: EPISODE 7
Come As You Are Emily Nagoski (2021/22) 
Emily Nagoski: The keys to a happier, healthier sex life
https://www.ted.com/talks/emily_nagoski_the_keys_to_a_happier_healthier_sex_life?language=en

Join Ali as she chats again with Matt about how to have good sex once the desire has kicked in! If you want to learn more about desire and how sex begins check out last week’s episode (Ep 5) 

NOTES: EPISODE 6
The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex / The Good Guy’s Guide to Great Sex by Sheila Wray Gregoire with Dr Keith Gregoire (We don’t like the titles)
Come As You Are Emily Nagoski (2021/22)

 Join Ali as she chats with Matt about the desire part of sex! 

NOTES: EPISODE 5
https://www.ted.com/talks/emily_nagoski_how_couples_can_sustain_a_strong_sexual_connection_for_a_lifetime?language=en
https://baremarriage.com/2022/02/6-stages-sexual-response-cycle/  

If you are feeling unsafe, please speak to someone.
Sexual assault crisis line 1800 806 292
Respect 1800 737 732
Ali’s email address – ali@ncr.org.au

 Join Ali as she chats with counsellor Stu all about how do couples have good, healthy conversations about sex. 

NOTES: EPISODE 4
https://time.com/6251217/how-to-talk-about-sex-with-partner/  
https://baremarriage.com/2021/08/10-tips-for-talking-with-your-husband-about-your-sex-life/ 
https://baremarriage.com/2021/08/what-is-direct-communication/ 

 Join Ali as she chats with psychologist Sharon about emotional intimacy. As Sharon says in the conversation, “good sexual relationships are built on an emotional intimacy foundation” so we are thrilled if you’re listening in to bring greater health to your sexual intimacy, but it's worth checking whether there are cracks in this essential foundation of emotional intimacy first.   

NOTES: EPISODE 3
The 5 Love Languages Gary Chapman (2016) 
https://www.gottman.com/ 
The Love Prescription John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman (2022) 
Hold Me Tight Dr Sue Johnson (2011) 

Join Ali and New Community’s Senior Pastor, Troy, as they discuss what the Bible says about sex. 

NOTES: EPISODE 2
Genesis 2
Song of Songs
1 Corinthians 7
Link to Ephesians 5 Marriage Talk audio
Link to Ephesians 5 Marriage Talk video

 Join Ali and Bella as they explain why we are launching this Talking Sex Series.